Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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