guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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