So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
