so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
