you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
