I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
