On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You smell like stripper and shame
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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