What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
