i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm getting married
To pizza
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
