if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
