I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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