Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
