remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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