I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
