the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
