I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaĂt comercial?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
