Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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