Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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