he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
