i think my mom watched the whole time
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
