I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
is wine microwaveable?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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