I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
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He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
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I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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