He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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