I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
