so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
