My hair reeks of homosexuality.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
