she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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