Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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