I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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