Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
