i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
