my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
