he told me I talked like a deaf person
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
