Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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