Sober January is a disaster.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
