The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
