why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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