How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
