Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
