I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
