He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
