the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
