Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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