I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
