Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
