good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
