Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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