I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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