I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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