You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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