Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
