wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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