He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
