drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You need a sexual gate keeper
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
