Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
