Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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