my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
