You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
