she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
