too bad you live with your parents still
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
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When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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