wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
