its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
