using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
