Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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