Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
